(This is what happens when I get bored in the office)
A old story, slightly amended by Stewart Sloan
It was a dark and stormy night and two nuns were driving down a mountain road in Transylvania in an old, decrepit Volkswagen. The driver was Sr. Agatha, an old Irish battleaxe and her passenger was Sr. Maria Gonzalez Alonso Reyes (who was from Spain). Suddenly, without warning, which is usually what happens when something happens suddenly, a hideous vampire landed on the bonnet of the Volkswagen; its eyes were gleaming red and the moonlight (which no one could see because it was a dark and stormy night) glinted off its fangs!
Sr. Agatha, the old Irish battleaxe stomped on the brakes and 45 minutes later the aged Volkswagen crept to a halt.
By this time the vampire was frozen to the bonnet and icicles dripped from its fangs. The only sign of life (or death, as the case might be) was the now even brighter, hungrier gleam in its eyes. Sr. Maria Gonzalez Alonso Reyes (who was from Spain) grasped her Crucifix and said, "Quickly Sister! Show him your Cross!"
Sr. Agatha, the old Irish battleaxe, wound down the creaking window on her side of the aged Volkswagen, pointed a shaking finger at the hideous apparition and said,
(Wait for it)
"You're a very naughty vampire and I'm very cross with you! Now go away!"