The time was 6:20 am, I climbed out of bed, and as I usually do headed for the shower to prepare myself for the day. I sluiced myself down, lathered myself up and shampooed the little hair I have left. It was at the point when I was completely covered in soap and shampoo and contemplating shaking hands with the vicar in the rain that that I heard a crash from the kitchen adjoining the bathroom.
I slid open the door to find that Charley the Cat had jumped onto the top of the kitchen shelf and knocked off a full bottle of white vinegar. I surveyed the damage; there were shards of glass and vinegar all over the kitchen floor. Just as I was considering Charley’s fate with the shower hose a four inch poisonous centipede slithered out from under the shelves and disappeared under the cooker unit.
I thought for a moment, then went back inside the shower and slid the door shut.
Another exciting day had begun in the life of........